It’s amazing how all the little foxes come out in our marriage when we have to deal with logistics or discomfort. And, the heat, the heat really brings ’em out.
We hit an all time physical low over the past two weeks as we’ve all been struggling with a harsh cold/cough. Add in the fast pace of life, working on the bus, performing, doing taxes, visiting with folks (which we’d rather do the whole time) and finishing up home school for the summer. Then this heat wave hit and there was little respite.
Our little scenario went down like this:
I had been whining about the heat. Just basic grumpy faced whining. I wear the elements on my sleeve, so to speak. Craig was sick of hearing me whine and went out and bought a room Air Conditioner. He arrived home with it, big smile on his face and I was delighted. We set up Air/Con. Closed all the windows in the bus and started it up. I left for a music therapy session at a local nursing home. I returned to Craig sitting at the dining room table, in the bus. He sat with sweat pouring down his face, all the windows still closed and Air/Con fan running but no cool air pumping out. I said, “What? Why is so hot in here? What is wrong with this thing.” He responds, “I told you this wouldn’t work.” HA! That was it, WW3…. Well, sort of.
What happened was, I had complained about the heat to a few friends. Craig felt that I had done this to put him down. And, maybe deep inside I did? Maybe deep inside I didn’t trust that he was really concerned about this issue. I felt that every time I tried to problem solve the issue with him, he would say “he’s” working on it. So, you know what, I’m sure there was something in my tone and manner that suggested to him that he wasn’t doing a good job. Anyway, the next morning when he decided to purchase the Air/Con, his mindset was that it was a temporary fix and not really how he wanted to solve the problem. So, when the unit didn’t work, well, his true colors came out and the bitter root was exposed. As we talked through the scenario we saw clearly the Twisted Thinking that we had both succumb to. We discovered that we both had believed that deep-rooted fear of being put down or dishonored. Once we put it all on the table and got to the root, we were able to reconcile and begin to really problem solve. (Mind you, this knowledge and ability to be able to get to the root has come from much support and help from Jerry Price’s MORE MARRIED & STAR Energizer)
Our past tendency has been to full fill self gratifying desires instantly, or as soon as possible. However, after our big decision in December to pay off all of our credit cards and only live by what we have, that desire for instant gratification has been challenged in every way. From, wanting an Air Conditioning system NOW to simple things like the desire for a coffee and even for things that in the past would have seemed like basic necessities like new socks or makeup, all of these desires have been put into a new perspective. We can attest to the fact, that most things eventually are granted. We have new socks, we do end up going for coffee and we totally trust that someday we’ll have air conditioning. Or maybe we won’t but at the end of the day we trust that we have what we need. When our conversation finished, we decided to take the unit back to the hardware store, not for a return but for a refund. The credit balance is back to zero, we are unified in our plan for Air/Con and thank the Lord it’s cooled off these past few days.